Bruce Bochy Saves Freedom, Beats LA
Last night’s game recap focused on the tale of what makes the Dodgers so damn evil. Tonight, we saw the proof of this tale in the flesh. After the Dodgers bench coach along with Joe Torre and Clayton Kershaw were ejected, Don Mattingly was thrust into the role of replacement manager. Mattingly took this opportunity to show why exactly he should be the next manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers. After this game, I’ll be the first one to support this.
Tonight’s game couldn’t have started out worse. Tim Lincecum’s stuff looked terrible, he gave a quick three spot highlighted by a first-inning home run off the bat of Andre Ethier, and before we could blink, the Giants were down 5-1 in the 3rd inning. After looking foolish against Clayton Von Patchybeard for 5 innings, this game looked all but over.
And then things started to get a little weird. After getting two on with one out in the 6th, Pat Burrell crushed a ball that Jon Miller on the radio side made me believe was a three run homer. Instead, left fielder Xavier Paul dropped the long fly ball on the warning track, bringing in one run. After Pablo Sandoval doubled in two more runs, the game suddenly became interesting.
The very next inning, Kershaw decided that it would be wise to bean our worst hitter, Aaron Rowand, leading to the ejection of the Dodger pitcher along with manager Joe Torre, leaving the aforementioned Don Mattingly in charge.
After a couple uneventful innings, the Dodgers brought in the whale of their bullpen for the save in the 9th, the 300 pound Jonathan Broxton, who had just come off of a rough blown save against St. Louis. Very quickly, the bases were loaded, Broxton couldn’t top 92 on his fastball, and acting-manager Don Mattingly decided a mound meeting would be wise. After speaking his piece, Mattingly left the mound, turned around, and headed back to Broxton for additional advisement.
From there, Bruce Bochy cried foul, arguing that Mattingly had gone out for a second visit by turning back. As such, Broxton was forced to be removed from the game, and George Sherrill and his 7+ ERA came in to pitch. Andres Torres took full advantage of the mistake, doubling in the tying and go-ahead runs. After Buster Jesus Christ Posey drove in an insurance run, suddenly a 5-1 loss had turned into a rousing 7-5 victory over pure evil.
Thanks to the maneuvering of our very own big-head, Bruce Bochy, the Giants were able to replace All-Star closer Jonathan Broxton with the first shmuck they could find to come in from the bullpen. The fact that this shmuck happened to be the struggling lefty George Sherrill gives Bruce some extra bonus points. Hate him all you want, but tonight, he came through.
For the time being, I’ll be riding the high off of some inspiring baseball. Tomorrow, the Giants go for the sweep in Los Angeles, proving that there may indeed be a God. And for the first time in recent memory, it seems as though He’s rooting for the Giants. Of course, given the pact with Satan that the Dodgers have made, God probably has a vested interest in a Giants victory.
All theological discussion aside, I think we can all agree that this has been an interesting game to say the least. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to get my jaw off of the floor.